I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
