i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
