What a fucking waste of an outfit
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
