I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
