mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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