I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
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