I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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