PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Randomize
