I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
