Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
