come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
