Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Randomize
