Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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