Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
