dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
