Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Randomize
