they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
