I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize