It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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