You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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