WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
you traded sex for a burrito?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
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