I met the friendliest cop last night
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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