it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
