how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
