dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
