I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize