you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
