lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
