Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
