put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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