If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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