I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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