I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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