New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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