I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
