i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
