You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
