Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
