just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
