we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize