So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
