omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
