oh god the rape fog is back!
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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