I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize