It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Go christen that room with your naked body.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
