i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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