I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
