The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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