she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
