worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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