I wish I only lived at night.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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