I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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