Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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