I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize