I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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