I think I died a long time ago.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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