just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
