I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
he thought i was a dude.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize