Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
She said her name was "party"
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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