I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize