I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
