once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
