I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
