You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Randomize
