yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
