A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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